Coming from a (very) large family of eleven children, I used to believe that family was everything. Getting married and having children was one’s ultimate legacy. And the more siblings, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, and cousins, the better. Being surrounded with loved ones is what makes the world go ‘round. When my mother died, I took comfort in in those around me. I knew that my family members knew the same lose that I did, and in time it brought us all closer together. I couldn’t imagine what life would be like without the strength of family.
The other great part about getting married and having children (as many or as few as desired) was being able to teach said children and passing down pearls of wisdom
Over the years, I have pondered what life would be like for those without family. I have thought about my Great Aunt Lillian who died before she was thirty. She was not married and had no children. What must life have been like for her, with little to no family to buoy her up in times of trouble? And what about her Legacy? Does anyone really know anything about her?? She had no children, and therefore, no one to pass her story on. No one to say, “My mom was…”. Maybe it’s because I am also childless and that I am totally over thinking this, but I can’t help but feel that these kinds of things are important.
And then there’s my grandpa. Reader’s Digest version of grandpa’s story is this: His mother left him and his brother and sister with their father. He and both his siblings were adopted together by a wonderful couple who loved them dearly. But his sister died at the age of eight, and his brother died in the war. By the time his parents passed on, he was the only one left in his family. Of course he married grandma and had their own family, but I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him.
Every year we go to a family reunion for my grandma’s side of the family. I often wondered if Grandpa felt sad or ever wanted to get together with his family the way he got together with Grandma’s brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, etc. I wondered if he ever felt as alone as I had sometimes pictured him feeling.
Back to the childless thing. I don’t know why but it’s important to me to leave behind a “Legacy”. Considering my Mormon, and very large family oriented background, I’m just not sure how to go about that with the ‘family element’ missing. Hmmmm. Still working on that. And even with my enormous family helping me out in my times of need, I still feel so alone.
This last weekend I had the chance to go to my hometown to celebrate my grandpa’s birthday. It was a wonderful day full of visiting with friends and family—many who had come in from out of town. This birthday was a special one because Grandpa celebrated 90 years! My cousin had this great idea. She thought that it would be fun to see if Grandpa could receive 90 cards for his 90th birthday. I figured with all of his kids, grandkids, and family, it wouldn’t be too hard to do. But still I wondered. He didn’t have nieces and nephews or the extensive family that Grandma does.
Finally the big day arrived. It was wonderful being able to visit with all of my distant relatives that I only get to see about once a year. But my absolute favorite part was that every flat surface was covered with cards. Funny ones, sweet ones, sentimental ones. Each one from someone who was touched in one way or another by my grandfather. It was overwhelming to think about how this one man created such a legacy within his community, family, and friends. At last count, he had over 180 cards, and they were still streaming through the door with all of the birthday party guests who had come to wish the birthday boy a happy birthday.
It makes me feel a little less lonely. Happy Birthday, Grandpa! Thanks for making a difference in my life. And for those of you you don’t know my grandpa, he is amazing, sweet, funny, and strong. And I think that is the best kind of legacy to have.
3 comments:
Jill, that's beautiful. I can tell by your love for life that you are leaving your own legacy,and even if you don't have children to tell about it, others will!
What a beautiful story about your grandfather! I do however, have a question. Your grandfather's mother left him and his siblings with their father and they were adopted, but what happened to his father? Did I miss something?
Also, I agree with Jalene. Even if you never have children of your own here on this earth, you are leaving a wonderful legacy of your own with everyone who's life you touch. That includes your own extended family, your friends, and even your friends' families. Think about it for just a minute, with all the time we spend together don't you think you are creating an impression on my son, Michael, as well? Even when you are not here and my husband and I talk fondly about you and Michael and the good times we have and what good people you are, it is leaving a lasting impression on my son. That is your legacy as well, for he will remember you always. I know the same thing happens when you are with your other friends and their families. You are a special person who leaves a part of her heart wherever she goes. Your legacy will always live on. I promise you that!
Thank you, Readers. I'm not sure how the legacy thing will work out, but I'm sure it will, one way or the other. Cinderella, as for the mix up... Grandpa's biological father gave his children up for adoption because he wasn't able to care for them after their mother left. My grandpa was eight years old at that time. However, my grandpa did have a relationship with his b. father when he was an adult. I have even seen a few pictures of him and they have all been labeled "Daddy Ray". I like to think that he loved them enough to give them what they needed most-- two parents who loved them.
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