Backwards

It occured to me the other day that I am living my life completely backwards, and have been for as long as I remember....

I grew up in a HUGE family. It wasn't always that way, but that's another story. Part of that lifestyle thrust upon me by my parents is the inevitable fact that the kids have to help raise each other. I spent all of my weekends in high school at home with the family. I love my younger brother and sisters, but I felt more like a parent than a sibling. I didn't have friends in high school. I was too busy taking care of the kids.

Now I am older and attending the local university. My husband, who is 30 years older, and I have been married for a little over a year. We have so much in common and I am finally able to do all of the things I wanted to do when I was younger. He was the one that taught me to hunt and fish, he takes me camping all the time, we go on the family vacations I always wanted to take as a kid~ He even took me to Disneyland this summer. The hard thing is, he's already raised two boys of his own from a previous marriage. He doesn't want kids with me. I'm at the stage in my life where I should be settling down and raising my own kids. Instead, I'm out making the memories I should have had as a child.

I can't help but think that it's all just backwards.